Gary Portrait was born with a silver spoon in his mouth. He lives in a luxury villa in the woods about umpteen miles from his relatives. He drives a 2001 Mercury Cougar with an am/fm radio and is often invited to formal banquets held in his honor. His ex-girlfriend is the best athlete in the world. He often keeps a large staff of servants, but he’s very specific about hiring honest ones. He’s a pillar of the community. He doesn’t take no for an answer, unless to do so would be impolite.
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Gary Portrait was born with a silver spoon in his mouth. He lives in a luxury villa in the woods about umpteen miles from his relatives. He drives a 2001 Mercury Cougar with an am/fm radio and is often invited to formal banquets held in his honor. His ex-girlfriend is the best athlete in the world. He often keeps a large staff of servants, but he’s very specific about hiring honest ones. He’s a pillar of the community. He doesn’t take no for an answer, unless to do so would be impolite. Gary Portrait spends much of his time mentoring a trench-rippin’ idiot-boy by the name of Lonnie. Lonnie is his major source of inspiration. Lonnie becomes almost inert, at times. He doesn’t speak at all and his blood has a high mustard content. His hair grows in unnatural patterns and he sheds his unusually loose skin like a snake every few hours. He has a large, permanent stain on his face. THE BOY IS MEAN! He’s a sweet boy. He’s on a quest for knowledge. He’s really handsome and smart; a genuine, top-hat-wearin’ ladies man. He sits in a wheel barrow most of the time. His heart is made of pure diamond pendants. He has a penchant for eating wood glue and has rosy cheeks that glisten an unusually wet-looking crimson red. His arms are almost the exact same size, but have very different textures. Lonnie recently died in a terrible tragedy. Now Mr. Gary Portrait is dedicating his life to the enchantment of others through a set of beautiful limericks, many of which were recorded at a bit-rate too low for use on Last.fm. These include “Pterodactyl buddy II” and “One hundred and fifty one million triangle top” among others. For more information on Gary and Lonnie, visit http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kGXGdbBNV8g.
